I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:

* I do physical labour
* I work at great depths
* I work head first
* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Response from the administration:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments
 you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the
following reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and
  stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
* You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing
  the correct protective outfits
* You don't wait till pension age before retiring
* You don't like working double shifts
* You sometimes leave your allocated position before you
  have completed the day's work
* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly
  entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags